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Because it’s pretty. Whenever I feel like my day isn’t going well, I look at my nails and feel a bit better instantly. Even when I’m at my lowest point and I don’t have the energy to even do plain nail polish, they are still long and pretty nice to look at, albeit kinda yellow. The nail painting sessions are on their own therapeutic: I put on a series or film and just not think of anything else for an hour or two (or when I’m ambitious, up to six). It also makes me more aware of my movements, because I want to avoid damaging them as much as humanly possible. I used to bite and tear pieces of my cuticles until I bleed, but this way I don’t anymore.

How come they don’t break?

I am very careful not to bump them on things or use them to pry things open (key rings are my mortal enemy and I am not above asking someone to help me with it). I use nail oil and hand cream religiously, because dry nails are brittle nails. I don’t use nail clippers because it makes them prone to breaking, and I use a nail file instead. Yes, it takes longer, but even if I use nail clippers I would need to use a nail file to shape them. Also, glass/crystal nail files are the bomb.

But they do still break sometimes. My right thumb and index finger are just flawed like that. Actually, in general, my right hand are just not as pretty as my left hand. If the broken piece is still somewhat attached, it’s salvageable. Just use a piece of tea bag and nail glue to patch it back up. If it’s 100% broken off, well. I mourn it and file the rest of my nails short in solidarity.

How do you paint your right hand nails?

Badly (because I’d be using my less dominant hand) and with full resignation over the fact that it’s already the less pretty hand anyway. It takes an hour shaping the nails because the index, middle, and ring fingernails are all different widths and I have to adjust the length of each nail to be proportional to its width so that they look uniform. Also, my right thumbnail and index fingernail are prone to breaking no matter what I do to them. My left hand has none of these problems.

How do you pick your nose? Do the nails make it easier?

I don’t. I’ve just never been a nose-picker, not even in private. When my nose itches, I take a piece of tissue and rub it over my nostrils.

How do you wash your butt after pooping?

Bidet and toilet paper.

Do you still eat with your hands?

Yes. I just wash them thoroughly, including under my nails, before and after the meal.


How much money have you spent on your nails?

Gee, I don’t keep track. But I remember spending IDR 230k on a bottle of Ciate nail polish because it is a pretty purple with blue shimmer. It’s my most expensive nail polish to date. I will probably be willing to spend around the same amount for a white nail polish that is opaque in two coats max, because that’s a thing that does not exist.


Will you paint my nails?

Hell yes. I love doing people’s nails.